Dealing with rejections as a writer
If you’re going to be a writer, you’ve got to learn how to deal with rejections. Photo by Unsplash.
By far, dealing with rejections is the most difficult part of writing. There, I said it. Now I feel a little naked. (Someone hand me a towel, please.) Getting story ideas? No sweat. Long hours hunched over a screen? A breeze. But rejections man, those are of the devil. Nothing jacks with a writer’s confidence more than being turned down on a story when you think you’ve made something great.
So, if any of you readers are newbie writers, I’m afraid I have some harsh news. There’s no way around getting rejected. It’s part of this life you chose, and you’re going to have to learn how to deal with them. If it’s any consolation, rejections happen to all of us. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US! Unless you were born with an ungodly amount of literary talent like, say, David Foster Wallace or Chuck Palahniuk. And if you were, then ENJOY YOUR FABULOUS FUCKING LIFE YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD BECAUSE ALL THE REST OF US HATE YOU!
(Pant, pant.) Where was I? Oh, right.
The emotional toll of rejections
Rejections hurt, folks. It’s not hard to understand why, when you look at writers as a whole. We tend to be introspective, sensitive types. Hell, it’s why we write in the first place. We observe this wonderful world around us with our dreamy eyes, noticing details and situations most folks take for granted. Once we get a spark, we craft our stories with all the love we can muster, pouring our hearts and souls into the act of creation. We fret over our stories, we worry them, and then we send them out into the world. All too often, at least for this writer, the publisher responds with some version of “Thanks, but no thanks,” or the dreaded “Sorry this didn’t work for me.” It’s a kick in the nuts, I tell ya. Getting a rejection is like being told your story sucks. Our sensitive brains often take this a step further, translating the rejection into the idea that all our art sucks. And probably, we suck too, when you stop and think about it. It can turn into a brutal downward spiral.
It’s not easy to deal with. To date, out of 1,003 submissions I’ve sent out over the years, I’ve had about 20 stories published. That’s about a 2% success rate! I suck at math, but I know those are some shitty odds. The first short story I ever wrote was rejected 36 times before it found a home. Even today, it’s possible for me to go very long stretches without selling a story. After awhile, a dull numbness sets in. You get so used to getting rejection emails in your inbox, sometimes it’s a surprise when one is actually an acceptance.
3 reasons why you’re getting rejected
When it comes to rejections, keep in mind they can mean several things:
The story isn’t right for that market.
Most publishers are looking for stories with that appeal to their readership. For instance, a fantasy market might have an open call for historical narratives about murderous gnomes. Your historical tale about murderous elves may be great, but it’s going to get rejected because it doesn’t jibe with that publisher’s aesthetic. Capiche?
The story is too much like something else they’ve seen recently.
Your story about a zombie with a heart of gold might be awesome. But last month, the publisher may have run a story about a kind-hearted vampire who volunteers weekends at a soup kitchen. Your timing was off, bub, and them’s the breaks.
The story isn’t good enough.
I hate to tell you, but sometimes your story does suck. I should know. I’ve dropped some turds over the years. Probably you will too. A publisher will rarely come out and tell you this in so many words, however. Most of them have a bit more tact than that. Part of being a professional writer is developing the ability to figure this out on your own. It takes years to develop capable writing skills. Maybe you’re just not there yet.
Ways to cope with rejections
So how do writers keep going? How do we continue to stay inspired, to fight our way through writer’s block, to put in the long hours, when it often seems the world could give two shits whether we’re writing or not? The answer comes from deep inside you. You have to decide what your ultimate goal is. Is it the bragging rights that comes with getting published? Is it the pride of seeing your name in print? To a large extent, that goal lies within someone else’s hands. We can’t control whether another human being likes our stories enough to buy them.
What we can do is get better at the craft. We do this by taking a good, long look at where we are as writers. Analyze your favorite stories by other writers. Figure out why they work. Compare your own work to those pieces and try to determine where your stuff fall short. Then, work your ass off to grow the skills you need. Take writing classes. Sign up with workshops. Write stories that get you out of your comfort zone. Listen to feedback from people you respect. Be open to change. Lather, rinse, repeat.
How a few writers I know deal with rejections
I asked a few people in my writer’s group how they deal with the idea of getting rejected, and here’s what they said:
Julie Sevens (Twitter: @juliesevens)
My answer is to get rejected more. For the most part I shrug and move on.
mat wend (Twitter: @matwend)
Rejection is the default. The second something goes out, it's rejected. Then, when I get the email, it just verifies what I already knew.
Warren Benedetto
It definitely helps to submit a lot, which means getting rejected a lot, which builds up an immunity and makes each individual one sting less.
Jennifer L. Collins (Twitter: @wytwavedarling)
Rejections mostly slide off my back now. On the rare occasion where I get one that really hurts or that I really had my hopes up for, I deal with it by: Sending out a bunch more submissions to give myself more chances and remind myself it's a numbers game, and then taking a breather to play with my dogs, relax in a bath, or just settle down with a book by a favorite author.
Sasha Brown
With great acceptance comes great rejection.
In conclusion
The bottom line is that rejections are a part of being published. You can’t get to that yes you desire without dealing with a few nos along the way. It’s a long, hard road. At least now, my writerly friends, you can take solace in knowing you’re not alone.
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